This is something that has weighed upon My Mind for Some Time Now, Gentle Reader, and I feel as if My Silence is no longer so very Golden. For those Readers who are not, perhaps, the Most Constant Readers of This Humble Author's work, some background: despite the heavy-handed Victorian Sensibilities, This Humble Author sides more with her Sister Suffragettes than she does with her Sister Lintons and Ellises and Ouidas. That is to say, This Humble Author is, first and foremost, a Feminist. As she is a Nineteenth-Century Gal stuck in a Twenty-First Century World, she also regrets the lack of suffragetting in her life, per se.
All of this preamble to say this: I am saying so long, farewell, and good-bye to the notion of Congratulations. Not that I would not, say, congratulate Dr. Solon on his recent accomplishments. No, Friends, far from it! Rather, I am Tired, yes, Tired of the Self-Congratulations we see toward My Sister Feminists.
Recently, there has been Much Discussion regarding powerful women and their "Ability" to balance both family and career. This is a familiar topic, is it not? We have heard it before, Gentle Reader, and I dare say, even with the stalwart efforts of This Humble Author, we shall hear it again and again. Women are to be Congratulated for Amazonian efforts toward balancing Family and Career.
In my humble opinion, Friends, this damages everything feminism has fought so very hard for.
By saying that a woman is to be Congratulated for "Balancing Family and Career," we reiterate, again and again, ad nauseam, the following:
1) That family and career are things that must be balanced;
2) That to do so is Rather Difficult;
3) That this is a problem Unique to Women;
4) That if a woman does not do such balancing, then she is not to be Congratulated, which then
5) Assumes that all women want both a Family and a Career, when we all know Rather Well that some women want both, or neither, or just the one, and is not that what feminism fought for, anyhow?
Ultimately, however, by saying a woman is to be Congratulated for balancing a Family and a Successful Career, we are saying that Women Must Do So and thus we perpetuate the stereotype over and over again that Women Must Go Above And Beyond to participate in any sphere, public, private, or otherwise.
The personal is political, yes, and as My Third-Wave Sister Feminists responded to their Big Sisters, so, too, is the political personal.
That is to say, We, all of us, man, woman child, canine, must balance Something and Something. More often than not, we must balance Lots Of Things. I am rooting this in the discussions surrounding politically powerful women, yes, but if such women were childless and rather, say, the sole caretaker of ill parents, would we still try to give them the same applause? No, because there is something that is seen as Unique to Motherhood and thus Not-Unique to Fatherhood, or Parenthood, in general.
This is not a diatribe against Motherhood or Parenting or even politically powerful women. Nor is this a Call To Action. Rather, this is a Call to Awareness. Let us stop insisting that this is something to be Congratulated, because then we are just perpetuating the idea that women cannot simply live their lives in the public eye as vice president nominees, as the wives of presidential nominees, as community leaders, as graduate students, as stay-at-home moms, as single women, as teenaged girls.
We, All Of Us, are balancing something every day. I have great respect for my friends who balance work and children, the same as I have great respect for my friends who sacrifice personal time to volunteer, or stop school to take care of sick parents, or simply drive an extra 18 miles a day, with the price of gas well over three dollars, to let the dog out. Let us instead celebrate what we are rather than how we socket into preconceived notions of what one gender should or should not do.
Wait. I do not want to leave this Gender Neutral.
No, let us celebrate that women no longer need to socket into stereotypes. Let us celebrate that in 2008, we can deny those pre-conceived notions of what constitutes Motherhood, Parenthood, Selfhood, Partnership, Friendship. We can all of us Right Now make the Conscious Decision to Reject the Stereotypes and Labeling that, while we like to think we have conquered, still suffer under greatly.
The first step is to stop acknowledging that women, in order to have something other than just their careers, must Balance.
And then, we can say Good-bye to Congratulations.
