Friday, January 09, 2009

Not Just for Academama's Bemusement. But for All of Our Bemusement.

Ahhh, Sportswriting. The one genre to which dissertation writers in the humanities can turn, to feel less pretentious. As Board Members and Commenters noted last night, the rhetoric surrounding Florida Quarterback Tim Tebow has been fairly stunning of late, to the point that he has been quite nearly elevated to the status of a Christ figure.

In the immediate wake of Florida's victory over Oklahoma, ESPN writer Pat Forde hardly failed to tap into the Tebow worship.

Tim Tebow's victory tour of Dolphin Stadium started behind one end zone and didn't stop until he reached the opposite end. As he walked along, his golden left arm remained aloft the whole way for Florida fans to touch. Men, women and children leaned over to celebrate with their hero, thanking him for delivering a national championship.

Nearing the end of the lovefest, Tebow looked at Florida media relations staffer Zack Higbee, who has spent much of the last two years helping the quarterback navigate the public demands of life as a budding legend.

Tebow said in a hoarse voice to Higbee, "I'm dying, I'm dying. Let's go home."

So many hands to slap, so little energy left. Carrying a team to a title is hard work.

Heh. From what chapter of the New Testament is Forde drawing here, anyway??? But it continues:

Now the indomitable Tebow has two of them -- one as a freshman backup and one as the center of the Gators' universe. Rarely in football does a single player so totally define a team's personality.

He's "indomitable," you see.

Oh yes. And he's perpetually underrated, but also the greatest we have ever seen. Come let us all adore him, and wonder aloud why in the name of Yaweh NFL Scouts continue to doubt this Golden Armed Leader of Men.

And while we are at it, let us Pray Tebow comes back for one more season so that he can

become the No. 1 quarterback in college football history -- at least in terms of accomplishments. Nobody else would be able to match three national titles and two Heisman Trophies if he's able to pull it off.

Yea and verily. Let the Tebow chorus ring loudly enough to drown out America's growing suspicion that College Football is a bottom a Farce.


AcadeMama said...

This just in...Tebow's Crown of Thorns has been tailor-made; three Wise Men were seen on a pilgrimage toward the Swampland; and astronomers believer a New Star appeared in the Northern Sky last night.

It really is a tragedy that he'll be forsaken in the NFL and not used as a quarterback, but rather a full-back or tight end.

solon said...

Let him enjoy his glory now. Like previous Hiesman victors, he has no shot of being a good pro.

He can only be a legend in a rigged system....