Previously, we at The Situation have discussed some Fourth of July traditions, such as reciting The Declaration or reading "To What to the Slave is the Fourth of July."
However, now we must discuss present traditions and present Great American Heroes, such as Joey Chestnut-- the top ranked eater in the International Federation of Competitive Eating and the winner of the 2007 Nathan's Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest at Coney Island. "And like a Coney Island Cyclone, I won't chicken out." (Props to anyone who can name the band and song of that near famous lyric.)
Chestnut began his professional eating career in a 2005 Deep-Fried Asparagus Eating Contest, where he consumed 6.5 lbs of the delectable treat in 11.5 minutes. But he did not become a Great American Hero until his 2007 victory at Coney Island (seen below) when his he and his opponent, Takeru "Tsunami" Kobayashi, were in a neck and neck competition until the end, when Kobayashi suffered a reversal (think about it) in the final few seconds. Those in the spray zone were not happy though I imagine, if we think about this deeply enough, Chestnut's heroism is like Washington crossing the Delaware.
Joey Chestnut's other accomplishments include, eating 241 chicken wings in 20 minutes (Wing Bowl XVI), 103 Krystals in the Krystal Square Off World Hamburger Eating Championship, 78 matzoh balls during Kenny & Ziggy's World Matzoh Ball Eating Championship, and drinking a gallon of milk in 41 seconds.
Americans, let us rejoice. With heroes like these, we can overthrow the British or, at least, they will not be able to move us...
Programming Note: the 2008 competition will be on live at noon est on ESPN, the world's leader in sports television.
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