This afternoon, Sweet Baby J. and I ventured off to the park so she could escape modern life in an apartment. While at the park, I hoped that she would run herself to exhaustion; instead, she only "played" on the swings for 10 minutes and then tired of the park altogether. Rather then playing, she desired to be charioteered down through the neighborhood to see the people in our shopping district. It worked out well for both of us as she played wallflower (or stroller flower) and I shopped for a book, Slavery by Another Name.
While at the park, there was a "park etiquette moment." There are eight swings at the park. Sweet Baby J. was on one and there was one empty one next to us. Another father and daughter pair played under a cement formation (a higher level to the park) while a third child (a boy), who's father was not around, ran to the empty swing and draped himself on it, calling for his father to put him. After three minutes of crying and clinging to the swing with no father in sight, the other little girl walked over to the swings and desired to swing; however, there was no open swing. After another three minutes, the boy's father arrived to place his kid in the swing and then swing him while the other little girl and her father waited for their turn.
This brings to mind a series of playground etiquette questions: First, how long should you and your child play on the swing? five minutes? Ten? fifteen? Until your child wants out?
Second, when making a "claim" to the swing, what matters more: having a kid or parent "hold" the swing or making sure that both the parent and the child are present i.e.
Third, what are the boundaries to the equipment? Should the father of the girl have persuaded the clinging boy to give up the swing because the father was not immediately available? Or would that have cause more problems between the fathers?
It seemed like the father of the girl who was waiting for the swing desired me to give up the swing because I had been there for a while, (though we only got on the swings a few minutes before he arrived as two other children played around with the swings with no father around to push them as well-- and yes, there were a disproportionate number of fathers at the park today). The reason I claim this is because I and the father of the boy received a self-righteous and moralistic parenting tip: "I am teaching my daughter how to share and how important it is to wait your turn" as if we were teaching our children to be self-interested jack-boot park thugs. My initial thought was to say, "Well, I refuse to provide any moral foundation for my daughter and I plan on teaching my daughter to take your daughter's lunch money in elementary, middle, and high school."
But rather than assert this, Sweet Baby J decided the swings were no longer fun, as she tends to get shy when others show up in numbers, and wanted to watch pigeons walk about on the sidewalk. As we left, I pondered this situation.
What is proper park etiquette? Or, even better, does anyone have any stories where someone breaks a perceived park etiquette? How do we communication this etiquette? Or, what is the best way to communicate it?
7 comments:
......sometimes.....i talk to strangers.
Here's my response, my darling husband:
You have serious issues. I don't think I've ever posted this long, or actually ever theorized about motherhood or etiquette while I was on the park grounds. And that's a huge part of my dissertation topic!
Or maybe it's just that, when we're at the park, Sweet Toddler J--let's be honest, there are too many words and tantrums for babyhood, so we'll give her a promotion--runs me too ragged to speak, let alone think. Cheers to you, solon, for philosophizing at the swingset!
I have to admit that I have thought about play ground etiquette, and Harrogate and I have discussed similar issues while chasing Wild Man and SupadiscoT around the playground. My issues are a bit different than Solon's though. First, I'll respond to swingset etiquette. Wild Man could swing for hours, so if we're at a park and there is a line for the swings, I try to limit his time to 15 minutes, which seems reasonable to me. Granted, removing him from a swing generally causes a tantrum, but I do want him to learn to share. Second, the issue that Harrogate and I have discussed most is whether or not a we should discipline another parent's child. Solon, you pointed out that there were a number of children around the swings without parents nearby. This seems to happen a lot in parks in Southwest College Town. These parent-less children are generally a few years older than Wild Man and SupadiscoT, and therefore, they don't need a parent to stand right beside them as they climb playground equipment. But said children often push my toddler out of the way or engage in activities that may cause them to break an arm, a leg, or to hurt another child. I do not hesitate to tell a child to stop doing something, especially if that behavior is putting my child or another child at risk. I have received many dirty looks from parents--generally fathers who are talking on their cell phones or mothers who are chatting away with other mothers--for reprimanding their child. The people I'd really like to reprimand are the parents. What is the playground etiquette for this?
What a fascinating topic this is. The more you think about it the more confusing it becomes.
The idea of some sort of confrontation with another parent is unfortunate, and even worse is the sort of passive-aggressive crap that the father pulled on Solon.
To m's point about disciplining others' children and about the need for parents to actually keep an eye on what their own kids are doing at the playground:
Hopefully when our kids graduate to Bigger, Longer, and Uncut status, we will remember these conversations, and be vigilant that they not kock over the toddlers playing in the same space...
Hi Solon,
Throw down with the other Park Fathers, of course, as Baby J gets first dibs, always.
(always always)
She is my beloved J-Bear, after all.
Ciao,
Amy, who misses her now-yankee friends
I usually vacate the swings if someone is waiting after about 5 minutes, regardless of how long we've been on. I suppose that's because I want my daughter to be self-sacrificing. :)
I'm totally joking about that. It's because I get sick of pushing her and I'm all for any excuse to get her off the thing. but I do usually vacate pretty quickly.
I don't think I've ever encountered an issue with the swings. As far as behavior issues, I have gently reprimanded a child or two but primarily, I just try to keep mine out of harm's way and away from the few kids at our park who are nasty little no-neck monsters.
Sometimes Baby Rev and I wear hair shirts.
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