After long and careful deliberation, Harrogate has decided not to order Summerslam, WWE's pay-per-view extravaganza scheduled for this coming Sunday night.
The reasons are manifold, and future disquisitions are forthcoming as to the heart of the matter, which Harrogate will begin here with the simple observation: Wrestling Today Sucks.
Now, don't get Harrogate wrong. He will still be blogging Monday Night Raws, indeed this coming Monday Night he will use the opportunity to update everybody as to the results at Summerslam. But Harrogate continues to follow Raw out of hope for the future. Professional Wrestling must get better. It is time to get away from shock value, from the tits and ass for the sake of tits and ass, it is time to get away from milquetoast heels and vanilla heroes.
Remember, loyal readers, the intensity of the mid-90's in WCW, the whole NWO invasion? The constant threat of someone turning, the heroism of Diamond Dallas Page, the epiphanic unbeaten streak of Goldberg? Take a look at the picture above, readers of the Rhetorical Situation, and mark it well. That picture represents Tully Blanchard (left) and Arn Anderson (right), two of the greatest heels in the history of the business. Their day was the mid 80s.
What Harrogate is talking about is this: Pro Wrestling has always drawn its power from its ability to spin all-engrossing morality tales through which we all recognized the heel, and the hero, within ourselves. Complex, blood curdling narratives. Harrogate tells you, there were times when Tully Blanchard merited an Academy Award for the levels of raw arrogance and malevolence he brought to the table.
Harrogate wants the narrative to come back. Down with the wet tee shirt wars, the baring of the naked ass. Mr. McMahon we on The Rhetorical Situation, and across the blogosphere, request--nay, demand-- narrative. And if you continue to withold it, someone will respond to us and bring the noise. Beware, McMahon, of the ghost of Tully Blanchard. Beware.
See y'all Monday at 8:00!
6 comments:
Finally! Pix of Harrogate and Solon!
Ha! Good one, Southpaw.
Did oxymoron and southpaw know that Tully Blanchard and Arn Anderson were one of the great tag team champions of all time? Do they realize they are proferring complements even as they think they are messing with harrogate and solon?
Do they, indeed, realize that whether they like it, or don't like it, they'd better learn to love it, because it's the best thing going today?
Wooooooooo!
Does Harrogate have an exact count of how many small rodents live in that chest hair?
Harrogate, don't forget about Handsome Harley Race and Pretty Boy Larry Hennig, another great wrestling duo. Of course, they dominated the landscape long before the formation of WWF (or WWE, whatever they call themselves now). I once sold Handsome Harley a set of golf clubs.
Ric Flair's first ever heavyweight championship came at the expense of Harley Race, Oxymoron. The wrestlers you're naming were part of the NWA (National Wrestling Alliance).
That you sold Race gold clubs is a true feather in your cap. Be proud.
And southpaw, as far as you go, you only wish you had a chest like Arn (The Enforcer) Anderson.
Blog on, children.
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